Pity Party

I stepped on the scale. The arrow swung back and forth to land on a number large enough to merit a look behind me. Unfortunately no one had their toe on the scale. It was all me. Anger and frustration welled up and tears threatened to roll.

I hate my sagging wrinkling body. I hate my thighs, my flabby arms, and my poochy stomach. I don't like the way my clothes fit. I can't buy cute clothes because they have to cover every inch of my body.  

In the past month, I’ve had a minor surgery which resulted in a post-op infection. It was followed by a viral illness and then a bacterial infection. The doctor has not released me to workout. Even if she had, I don't have the energy. My weight reflects the hours spent watching PBS and eating comfort food. I looked in the mirror and sighed.

I hate my sagging turkey neck and sun-damaged skin. I hate the pain of arthritis in my back, hips and neck. I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. Getting old is not for sissies.

Belle on ground patrol

I threw on my yoga pants and a t-shirt, made a cup of coffee, and took my pity party outside. I invited my canine companions to join me. They joyously accepted. Evidently they can’t read an invitation. They thought this was a squirrel hunt, not a pity party.

I sipped my coffee and watched the dance of the Chihuahuas commence. Belle stood guard ready to combat militant ground squirrels, while Dustee surveyed the trees for thieving squirrels. The squirrels were totally unfazed. They played a riotous game of chase, running up and down the trees and across the fence. The dogs never got close, but you wouldn’t know it from their ferocious barks. Hummingbirds darted in and out of the yard carrying sips of nectar. First a smile snuck out of my face. Then I began to laugh. 

Dustee ready to attack

The first cool breeze of fall revived my spirits and washed away my frustration. I began to thank God for nature: the trees; the flowers; the dogs; the squirrels; the hummingbirds, and the cool breeze. His creation filled my heart with joy.

A still small voice within me said, “I made you.” A jolt of understanding ran through me. “I knit you together in your mother’s womb. I chose you before you were born. I knew your body would deteriorate. It’s okay. Rejoice in the knowledge that you are more important to me than dogs or squirrels. I love you."

Humbled, I committed not to complain about my body, but instead to respect and care for His creation.

I found these verses comforting:

Matthew 6:25-34The Message (MSG)^25-26 “If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don’t fuss about what’s on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.
^27-29 “Has anyone by fussing in front of the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch? All this time and money wasted on fashion—do you think it makes that much difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best-dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them.
^30-33 “If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.
³⁴ “Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.

 Happy Fall, Ya'll